


Just Say It

by kilroyactual117



Category: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Military, Romance, Sci-Fi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8728126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kilroyactual117/pseuds/kilroyactual117
Summary: John 117 has had no fear his entire life. He has faced death at every turn and done the impossible time and again, never once fearing failure, so why can't he bring himself to tell a certain red headed Spartan how he feels about her?





	1. That Undeniable Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> **Hello all! I've been sitting on this story for a while, and just decided to publish it recently because I love John/Linda stuff and never see very much of it at all. It's going to go from midway through the Fall of Reach book up until Blue Team's reunion in Escalation, and maybe into Halo 5, or maybe that's were I'll start a sequel, and wow, am I getting ahead of myself (you can tell I had fun writing this). Anyway, please note that for the purposes of this story I will always take the Fall of Reach book as possessing a higher level of cannon than the animated series, and special thanks to Jaeger Gypsy Danger for help with editing. Enjoy! ******

Late nights always seemed to start like this for John.

He had spent three years training at the the Naval Special Warfare Training Facility on Reach, and every night was always the same. He would walk the halls, check on the trainees under his command, and order them to go to sleep.

They would always make excuses, saying they had to clean weapons or work out, but John knew that if they didn't sleep now, their training might not permit them to sleep for another week. Even armed with that as a threat it was normally still hard to convince the workaholic Spartans to catch some shuteye, except for today.

CPO Mendez had been pushing them hard recently, if he didn't know any better he would have said too hard, but he was training them to be the best and the best trained the hardest, right?

Regardless, none of them had returned from today's training mission with enough energy to do anything but basic equipment maintenance before immediately falling asleep. Still he felt obligated to do his rounds and check the ten separate rooms where the Spartan teams slept. As he approached the final room, his squad's room, he realized that a light was still on inside.

_Who is too stubborn to take advantage of a time like this?_ Thought John.

He rounded the corner and found the Spartan in question sitting at a workbench in the back of the room, her blood red hair cascading over the back of her Marpat fatigues, the numbers 058 attached to her jacket's shoulder with a velcro patch.

"Linda?" He called to her.

"Just a minute sir," she responded.

John approached her and found she had pulled her sniper rifle out of one of the weapons lockers and was frantically soldering together some computer components she had pulled from the inside of its scope, with the rest of the rifle was spread out over the length of two tables.

John hadn't even know the weapon had had that many parts, but leave it to Linda to find them. If there was one thing he knew about her, it was she was at her best behind a rifle, in fact, what else did he know about her? Save the fact that she was always incredibly stressed and took personal responsibility for any failure of any of the Spartans, and that she rarely spoke to anyone on or off the battlefield.

John pulled up a chair to join her. "Linda, shouldn't you be getting some rest?" He asked with a hint of concern.

She barely looked up long enough to acknowledge his presence. "No sir, I have work to do."

She picked up the receiver of her rifle and slid the bolt in, racked it to test how it cycled, and scowled in dissatisfaction at how it performed.

John sighed, "Linda, you don't have to call me sir. I'm not an officer, and besides, just because I'm squad leader doesn't mean I can't be your friend as well. Now come on, tell me what's wrong."

Linda paused for a moment before sighing in exasperation.

She set the receiver down on the table and picked up a small circuit board with wires hanging haphazardly from all sides. She thrust it into his hands and went back to work on her rifle.

"That's the ballistic computer for my rifle," she explained. "Last training exercise it failed and miscalculated the windage by 2%, and failed to account for the weight of the tranquilizer rounds. I missed a critical shot because of it. That's not acceptable."

She grabbed the circuit board back and went right back to soldering.

John thought back to the exercise. Linda had performed admirably. She had dropped so many of the ODSTs Mendez had sent to face them that the rest had turned and ran. He smiled as he thought of the scolding he had given those troopers. All of them had been quaking in their boots as Mendez told them that they had just been bested by teenagers.

"Linda, we won that game," said John reassuringly, "You're being way too hard on yourself."

He placed a caring hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly. she paused for a moment before letting out a long breath and closing her eyes. She looked as spent as an empty shell casing. He was almost surprised she didn't fall asleep right then and there. John was starting to think he was making progress, but Linda abruptly wrenched his hand from her shoulder and went back to working on her weapon.

"But what if we hadn't?" She asked, "What if that one shot had been all that mattered and I pulled it? What would have happened then?" She said frustratedly.

"We would have lost," John said cooly, "Mendez would have scolded us and probably punished us somehow, and we would have tried again the next day. If we don't learn to move past failures we'll end up driving ourselves crazy trying to stop every one of them. Now get some rest, and that's an order."

Linda seemed ready to refuse, but set down her rifle a moment latter in defeat.

She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. "you're right, I'm tired as hell," she breathed.

Her eyes slowly crept open and she reassembled her rifle with lightning speed, taking care to make sure every part fit perfectly. She set it into the weapons locker and turned to meet his gaze for the first time.

"Thanks John," she said with a small, toothless smile.

It was the first smile John had ever seen a smile cross Linda's face, and it caused an odd feeling in him. Sure, women had smiled at him before. Kelly always seemed to be smiling, and doctor Halsey smiled occasionally, but Linda's smile was different. It caused his heart to lift momentarily, and for a moment he was completely focused on her.

She gave him a funny look, and he realized he must have been staring at her.

He looked away nervously, but to his surprise Linda's smile only grew wider. She stood and stretched before flopping down onto her bunk, not even bothering to change out of her BDU's.

"Promise me you'll get some rest, ok?" John said with concern.

"I promise," said Linda as she rolled over onto her side. She closed her eyes and fell almost instantly asleep.

John looked over at her once more. Something about seeing her asleep made him very happy. Maybe it was the way her features seemed to lose some of the war weariness no one her age should ever have, or maybe it was because her normally rigid straight posture had finally vanished and for the first time since John had met her, she actually looked relaxed.

He smiled at her one last time before falling onto his own bunk and catching some much needed rest himself.

* * *

The freezing wind burned John's face as it howled through the Spartan's camp.

It was a cold day on reach, much like every other day, and CPO Mendez had decided during today's routine training exercise to leave the Spartan trainees stranded in the middle of a blizzard with only a handful of tents, and no sleeping bags. John hadn't brought a tent, and most of the Spartans had already filled theirs. The only tent with space left belonged to Linda. In spite of himself, John felt rather happy about that fact.

Linda and him had become close friends recently, and he had noticed a stark change in her personality around him. She always stuck close to him, trained with him at every opportunity, and always had a smile and a kind word for him.

John couldn't deny that he liked her new found fondness for him. Whenever she approached he always seemed to get an odd, nervous feeling in his gut, and would lose the ability to talk right, that is of course until she gave him a reassuring smile that made him feel right at home.

Despite his clumsiness around her, he always wanted to be as close to her as he could. Just her presence was enough to turn another awful day of training into something slightly more manageable, and he had had a lot of awful days of training recently.

He had heard doctor Halsey describe feelings like these as love, something she said existed in nature, but science had never been able to quantify. When he had asked CPO Mendez if he knew anything about love, he had looked at him like he was from another galaxy.

"Love, squad leader, is for recruits and civilians," he answered sternly. "NCO's and officers like you and me can't show love, it undermines command authority, gets people killed, and will cause your squad mates to lose respect for you. That is all you need to know about love."

John had felt dejected after Mendez's explanation, and began to wonder what it was about love that was so dangerous, but hadn't dared inquire further. He knew in his heart that what he felt for Linda must be love, and if he couldn't show love to her then he would simply stay close to her and make sure nothing bad ever happened to her. Besides, if love was truly so dangerous, wouldn't Linda be beyond it? She was a much more professional soldier than he, which was saying a lot, and she would never feel something so dangerous towards him, would she?

John walked through the camp one last time, checking to make sure all the other Spartans were settled in and those Spartans who had volunteered to take watch were set up around the makeshift camp's perimeter before heading for Linda's tent.

As he approached Linda's tent and took a deep breath, pushing aside any feelings he might have for her before he entered. He unzipped the tent flap and found Linda huddled in a ball, pulling her heavy parka around herself tightly.

"Hey Linda, all the other tents are full, can I come in?"

She nodded and smiled, "of course John."

As soon as he saw her smile Mendez's instructions blew away like a gust of wind and he found his heart lifting once again, his breathing slightly quickening, and he felt a smile creeping over his face. He sat down next to her and pulled his jacket tightly around himself.

"So...cold," said John through chattering teeth.

Linda's responding laugh was distorted by shivering, "No kidding."

Her laugh set off something inside of him just as powerful as her smile. He found himself smiling broadly and moving just a bit closer to her, wanting more than anything for this feeling to intensify.

Mendez's scolding crossed his mind momentarily, but quickly vanished and the joy of being near Linda came back to him. She turned to look at him, her emerald green eyes eyeing him up and down, a gaze he found hard to meet without a blush creeping over his face.

Her smile changed to a mischievous smirk after a moment. "I know how we could warm up," she said softly.

Linda scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around his chest, pulling herself close to him and resting her head against him.

John's heart beat increased rapidly, and he tensed almost reflexively.

_What is she doing?_

Embracing someone was an action way too affectionate for her taste, or for any Spartan's taste for that matter. Could she possibly feel the same way about him that he felt about her?

For a moment he lost his voice.

"What are you doing?" he barely managed to get out.

She laughed, "at ease John, I'm just getting some body heat."

John frowned in spite of himself.

"Of course," he said dejectedly, "just getting body heat."

He had to quit getting his hopes up like that, it would only hurt him every time she answered. She gave him an odd smile before unzipping his jacket and wedging herself snugly between it and him. While she seemed to be right at home being this close to him, his posture was still rigid, straight, and awkward out of fear that he would somehow let slip his feelings for her if he gave into his intense urge to pull her close and bask in the soft warmth she gave off.

Linda frowned at his rigid posture. "Come on John, I don't bite. Relax a little," she said reassuringly.

John's face flushed red from embarrassment. "Sorry, it's just, uh, you don't normally do this," he said uneasily.

Linda smiled affectionately and pulled herself a little closer to him. "No, I don't, Which is why you should relax John. You have my full permission to enjoy this."

"Enjoy this?" Said John in surprise, "I thought we were trying to keep from freezing to death."

She chuckled. "Call it what you like. I just like being close to you."

John's heart filled with hope for a brief moment. Maybe, just maybe, she did feel the same way about him. He tried to crush that thought, but to no avail. If he couldn't show love to Linda openly, then he would simply have to love her in secret, make sure she felt at home around him, and hope that secretly, she loved him back.

He finally allowed himself to relax and wrap his arms around her, taking in her gentle warmth and soft touch. Linda sighed happily and her sleepy smile widened under his embrace.

She shifted so that her ear rested over the left side of his chest and closed her eyes.

"God you have a strong heart John," she said after a moment.

He raised an eyebrow, "what do you mean?"

She giggled in a way that made John very happy. "You're heart, it has a really strong beat. It's a soothing thing to hear, especially in a place like this where I wonder sometimes whether or not I'm any more human than a maintenance robot."

John smiled down at her. "You're much more than that to me."

"Why?" She asked groggily, sleep threatening to overtake her.

He struggled for an appropriate response, but found none.

Because I'm in love with you, he thought dejectedly, wishing he could bring himself to say it.

He thought for a long moment about what to say, but before he could act Linda's breathing slowed, and she drifted off to sleep in his arms.

He let out a sigh of relief. At least he had successfully dodged that question.

He allowed himself a long look down at her as she continued to drift blissfully. Her face seemed to lack any tension, making her look just a little less war weary. Her emerald green eyes were shut tight, and John found himself wishing they were open so he could stare into them and admire them. Her blood red hair, that was well longer than regulation, hung gracefully down over her shoulders and a few wisps of it dangled in front of her face, which John gently brushed aside. There was no doubt in his mind that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through her silky and fiery red hair and feel her soft skin, but stopped himself.

Those were dangerous thoughts, and he needed to get rid of them before they prompted him to do something stupid.

Instead he decided to tilt his head forward, close his eyes, and enjoy this rare moment of bliss.

please review!


	2. The Worst Kind of Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So glad to see you back here at my humble story! I hope you enjoy it, and don't forget to drop a review if you like the story, and especially if you don't. Enjoy! ******

Linda woke slowly with John's arms still wrapped around her.

She smiled and yawned, curling closer to his chest for just a moment longer before pulling away from him and rubbing her eyes. She checked her watch, it was 05:12, twelve minutes past when she was supposed to wake up and take watch from Sam, and only ten minutes until John was supposed to give the Spartans their exfil plan.

She groaned in spite of herself at the thought of having to go back to work. Waking up next to John had been quite the fantastic experience. She had had a crush on him for quite a while now, and God did she hate that word. Crush. It implied weakness.

Weakness for anything was something Linda typically found unacceptable, but her weakness for John was something she found herself taking no shame in.

He was kind to her, always seeming to care for her much more than the two people most of the Spartans had considered "mother," and "father," ever had. Linda knew Halsey didn't like her, despite the fact that she tried to act indifferent towards the candidates. She hated her hotheadedness, and Mendez took issue with her proclivity to work alone.

John was different. He recognized she wasn't just another spartan to fit the mold, she had her own unique abilities, and rather than trying to fit her into the standard Spartan MOS she had been given, he knew how to best use her skill set, and treated her like a whole person rather than simply a piece of machinery. He was kind off the battlefield too, always making sure that she took care of herself and giving her a smile when she needed it most.

And the fact that he was good looking didn't help her attraction.

It was of no consequence though. John simply didn't see anything in her, that much she could tell. He always seemed to dismiss her when she tried to flirt with him, and never seemed to notice her interest in him no matter how obvious she made it, which earned her no small amount of teasing from Kelly.

"Wow, the stone cold sniper really does have a soft spot." She had said when she caught her smiling over at John in the mess hall.

As much as she hated to admit it, Kelly was right, and it frustrated her. She loved him, but was nervous to show him. He was like a brother to her, and she didn't want to blow that and make a fool of herself by telling him something he would resent.

She sighed and shook him awake, greeting his newly opened eyes with a soft smile, which he returned out of what she could only assume was politeness.

"Hey, time to wake up. We're moving out in 18 mikes. You better brief everyone."

John nodded. "Thanks. I'll get on that," he said groggily and bluntly before zipping up his jacket and heading out of the tent.

His response disappointed her slightly.

_What were you expecting, a passionate confession of love?_

She shook her head and retrieved her sniper rifle and plate carrier before exiting the tent. She checked her mag to ensure it was loaded with stun rounds before moving to where the rest of the Spartans had gathered.

Kelly smiled coyly at her when she saw her and John walking together, and made sure to stand next Linda in the circle of Spartans as they formed up for John's briefing.

"Did John sleep well Linda?" Kelly teased, "I'm sure you did."

Linda rolled her eyes dismissively before turning to listen to John's briefing.

He pulled out a large map of the area and placed it on the ground in the middle of the Spartans. He explained that they were to move through some woods in a thinly spread line towards a nearby civilian settlement where they would commandeer vehicles to take them back to base, taking care to keep in contact with each other, and staying far apart enough that no large group of them could be ambushed all at once.

"Linda," said John, meeting her eyes for a moment as he gave her her assignment, "you hang back here," he said, pointing out a position on the map with large, snowy cliffs that overlooked their route. "Pick off any targets you see from afar and cover us as best you can."

"Acknowledged," she said with a small smile.

A smirk crossed Kelly's face when she noticed the action, which Linda noticed, and sharply elbowed her for.

John wrapped up the briefing quickly before telling the Spartans to get into position.

Linda moved quickly to her position, checking her map to find a quick path up the mountain John had picked and picking an ideal shooting spot, a cliff that overlooked the entire forest below.

She signaled John with two mic clicks that she was in position, and the Spartans began to move silently forward.

She scanned the horizon with her rifle, trying to spot any possible threats hidden in the numerous bushes and snow drifts. Sure enough, it wasn't long before she saw small figures in ODST armor darting in between cover and staying just out of the Spartans visual range.

She couldn't cover this many Spartans at the same time, they were spread too thin.

She pressed her throat mic, "John, tell the Spartans to form up into groups of three. I can't keep all of you covered while you're spread out like this."

He acknowledged with a mic click and began to order the Spartans to group up. They assembled into groups of three, each group having one Spartan hang back holding an archaic handheld motion tracker while the other two crouched low and swept for targets.

She began to see numerous forms moving through the bushes towards the Spartans. She was hesitant to engage and give away her, as well as the other Spartans positions, but in about a minute she would have no choice.

She spotted an ODST move about fifty meters out from one of the Spartan groups, and fought every urge she had to drop the sonuvabitch.

She scanned one more time over the Spartans, and noticed an irregularity near John's position. An odd looking form was laying prone near a tree about four meters from him, something snipers had come to call a "tree cancer."

She zoomed in on the form and identified it as an ODST with a suppressed sub machine gun trained on John's group. The ODST rose from his prone position, and took aim dead center at the unaware Spartans.

Linda didn't think, and instead reacted. Without a thought to the fact that she would give away her own position the moment she fired, she settled her crosshairs on the ODST's faceplate and pulled the trigger, sending a round ripping towards him.

The stun round was filled with a paint like substance called TTR, which, when it impacted a person's clothes, pulled them taut and tranquilized the wearer, but not before causing them extreme pain.

The round impacted the ODST and exploded into a red blossom, covering his armor in paint and locking most of it solid. She watched as he went down, his arms writhing in agony before finally stopping dead as the tranquilizer took hold.

John looked over in surprise as the ODST fell, and then looked up to where he must have known Linda would be, and smiled at her.

She returned the action pointlessly, and for a moment felt her spirit lift. Even in the middle of combat, John's smiles always made her feel better. She realized she had become distracted when she heard her radio crackle to life.

"Linda," said a heavily Slavic voice she recognized as belonging to Adriana-111, "we're taking fire from multiple directions. Mind getting your head out of your ass and helping us out?"

"Shit!" cursed Linda her breath.

She had to stop letting John distract her like that.

She swung her rifle about and found the targets Adriana was referring to, dropping them with ease. Now that her position was compromised she didn't hold back, firing unreservedly at any ODST's she spotted, and landing every shot, as she always did.

Once the Spartans had successfully made it to the civilian settlement she slid down from her cliff side position and ran towards them, meeting up with them near a small cottage with three old, surplus troop-hogs parked behind it.

John motioned for her to jump into the shotgun seat while he drove. Johns gave a hand signal to the other two hogs and the convoy sped off down the road towards the Spartan's training complex.

"Hey, thanks for the save," said John to her.

"No problem," she responded, much more matter-of-factly than she usually would to John.

She was still upset about him having so easily distracted her. What if Adriana had been hit? She would be fine now, but if this had been real combat it would have been a whole different story, and that was unacceptable.

John smiled at her, "what would I do without you to watch my back."

Linda couldn't help her heart from lifting at his statement. Maybe he did care about her. She couldn't help a smile from crossing her face as she thought about the way he had embraced her last night. Sure it had taken a lot of convincing to get him to relax, but maybe that was just him being nervous.

She scowled to herself and pushed these thoughts aside. She had to be more professional around him. As much as she resented it, people lives were at stake. If she lost sight of that, she wasn't the only one that would pay for it.

* * *

John sat nervously in the waiting room of the medical facility _Endurance_. Halsey had told them earlier that day that they were to undergo augmentations very soon, and she had held nothing back in describing how brutal they would be, and what they would do to their bodies. From what she had said, a large number of them weren't going to survive.

If John was being honest, he was very scared. He knew some of his Spartans would die today, and he was not happy about that. One Spartan in particular crossed his mind. Linda.

Ever since that training exercise on Reach's tundra she had spoken to him a lot less. He had asked her if she was avoiding him, an accusation she vehemently denied, but still he couldn't shake the feeling that she was. She rarely smiled at him anymore, and sir had become the name he was known by once again.

It disheartened him immensely.

Even if she didn't love him, he missed having her as a friend, seeing her bright smile, and having her to confide in after a long day of aggravating training. Now not only was she not that, but he more convinced now than ever that she was beyond loving him. He had to face facts, he had somehow fallen in love with a woman who simply would never reciprocate his feelings, except today that is.

Ever since Halsey and told them that they were going to undergo augmentations, Linda hadn't left his side. She was constantly talking to him, something highly unusual for the normally stoic warrior. He could tell she was nervous by the way she paced and tapped her fingers as if trying to break a hole in the table with just the tip of her nail.

He sighed and finally asked the question he had been avoiding all day.

"Linda, what's wrong?" He said as gently as he could.

She looked at him with a scowl, "why do you think something's wrong?"

He frowned and looked away. "No reason, you just look nervous."

She looked at his downtrodden expression and sighed regretfully at her reaction to his simple question.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you. You're right, I'm nervous."

He smiled at her. Even if it did take their possible deaths to make it happen, he was glad she was talking to him again.

"I'm nervous too, if it helps. I can't help but think this is insane. I mean, after all we've been through, they're going to send us to our deaths on operating table? How ironic."

Linda didn't appreciate his sense of humor. She looked at the ground in dismay. She was clearly trying to hide how she felt, and not very successfully. Whatever it was, it wasn't just nervousness.

"John, can we step outside for a moment?" She asked in a hushed tone. He nodded, and followed her out into the station's hallway. "what's wrong?" He asked as soon as they were clear of the door. She looked him in the eye, an incredulous look of terror covering her face that hit John like a physical punch.

"John, I'm scared," she said in a shrill voice.

Those were words John had never expected to hear out of Linda. She was a stone cold killer that feared nothing and no one. To have her confess such a thing to him was terrifying, and an honor. He placed a caring hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, don't be scared. it's gonna be ok. We've made it through much worse than this."

She shuddered, and looked at the ground once again. She wasn't trying to hold back her display of fear anymore, and it terrified John beyond belief, but if he let her know he was scared she would surely come undone.

"John, I don't want you to die," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. John placed a hand on her head and forced her to look him in the eye.

"Linda, I'm not going to die, and neither are you. We'll make it through this together. Okay?"

He wasn't sure he believed his own words. There was a very real chance neither of them of them were coming back from this one, but they had too. One day John wouldn't have to hide what he felt for her, and both of them were going to be alive for that day, he would make certain of it.

Linda nodded, and tried to straighten up as best she could. "Okay. We'll be fine."

"There you go," he said with a smile. To his complete surprise she reached up and locked her arms around him in a hug. He was stunned for a moment, but quickly recovered and returned it gently.

"John, I'm sorry I've been avoiding you these last two weeks. I had too. It's not your fault at all. Well, I guess it is, but it isn't. Never mind, it's not you. My mind was all over the place, and I needed to get a hold of myself. I guess I just went about it all wrong."

"It's ok," he said reassuringly, "I'm just glad you're talking to me now."

She cracked a smile, "John, I, I uh..." She sputtered.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said, trying to hide the emotion in her tone, "good luck."

He laughed, "I'm always lucky."

He took in her warmth, possibly for the last time, and let her go. It felt for a moment like he was letting a piece of himself drift off into the void, but he was pulled from this state when he heard a door open behind him.

"Squad leader," said an ONI corpsman, "the operating rooms are prepped for augmentations. It's time."

He turned and gravely nodded to him before turning back to Linda.

"See you on the other side," he said with a forced smile.

She didn't respond, but he felt her hand brush against his as she walked slowly towards the operating rooms, and that was all he needed to know that she was still scared out of her mind.


	3. Scarred and scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thanks for returning to my humble story! This week we have near death, emotion, romance, anger, and all of the other things Halo so obviously needs more of! I'd also like to briefly adress some criticism that the Spartans aren't Spartan enough. That was only partially intentional. Remember that for most of these chapters, the Spartans were still kids, so I'd imagine the stoic-ness would come at least a little latter in their lives. Again, all criticism is welcome, and I appreciate those that pointed this out. I have to say I've had a lot of fun writing this so far, almost as much fun as I hope you're having reading it. Enjoy!**

The doctors spoke kindly and professionally to Linda as they guided her to lay down on the cold, metal examination table.

Surgery equipment and doctors surrounded her. Multiple robotic arms with needles, laser cutters, and small appendages whirred around her head in entrancing circles, rapidly preparing to cut her open like a fish.

 _This is how I die_ , she thought, _cold and alone and without having told John that I loved him_. She sighed, if she made it out of this one, it would be the first thing she told him, assuming he made it as well.

"We're going to put you under now Linda. You won't feel a thing," said one of the many masked doctors that surrounded her.

She nodded, and felt a small prick in her arm. Her eyelids became heavy, and closed slowly as she felt herself drift off.

She couldn't think. Was she asleep? Whatever state she was in it felt surprisingly peaceful and comforting, a sort of forced relaxation, like the meditation she practiced so often.

All of a sudden that rapidly began to change. She began to feel an intense pain like nothing she had ever felt before. She began to feel uncomfortably hot, then it felt like someone had poured napalm into her veins. She wanted to scream out in pain, but couldn't. She saw black and heard nothing as she began to feel her bones being ground to dust inside of her. It felt like she was laying on a bed of broken glass doused in gasoline and set alight. She struggled against her own sedation, trying to move, to fight, to get the hell out of there at any cost.

All at once she snapped awake and immediately tried to sit bolt upright, but met resistance. She opened her eyes and found her arms, legs, and chest bolted to the table by titanium restraints. She struggled and tried to get free. Her body screamed in protest and she struggled harder, only heightening her agony.

She felt the restraints begin to groan and give way as she continued to struggle painfully.

"Linda," she heard someone call in the distance. She ignored it and continued to thrash and rip at the metal.

"Linda stop!" She heard again, this time much closer. She felt a hand on her shoulder and snapped her head to see who it was.

"John?" She gasped as she saw his face.

He slammed a button near her bed to administer a small dose of morphine, and she felt herself begin to drift again into that forced relaxation. She tried to continue struggling, but felt John's hand force her to lay back down.

"Don't fight the restraints," he said gently, "they're for your own good. I promise. You'll need them until you get used to your augmentations."

Some of her pain began to clear as the morphine took hold. It was still excruciating, but she could think a little better.

"John, it hurts! Make it stop!" She pleaded.

John typed in a command to one of the nearby auto surgeon robots, and it quickly administered a heavy analgesic shot to her arm. She felt most of her body go numb, and she relaxed back onto the cold metal surface, her breathing slowing as she began to take deep breaths to calm herself.

"There you go. You're gonna be just fine," said John tenderly. She looked at John. She noticed several large, new surgical scars on him. Two running the length of each of his arms, and a large v shaped one on his neck that barely showed under his shirt.

"John? What did they do to us?" She said as she took a moment to look down at herself. She too was scarred just as horrifically.

He sighed regretfully and looked at the ground. "Too much. It was better and worse than they expected. The catalytic thyroid implant succeeded, but massive releases of hormones and adrenaline from the surgery all but negated any negative side effects it might have had. The carbide bonded well with most of our bones, but Kelly nearly nearly died from it anyway. Fred's still comatose, and probably will be for another day. You've been out for a week as it is. A lot fewer of us died than expected..."

"Died?" Questioned Linda, "Who? How?"

"Too many," said John gravely, "and many more failed to accept their augmentations, leaving them crippled. Serin, Fhajada, Randall, they got the worst of it. None of them should ever walk again, but I wouldn't put it past them."

She paused for a moment to take it all in. So many people she had grown up with, her brothers, her sisters, dead. This wasn't a battle they had a chance to win. The game was rigged from the start for all of them. She wanted to cry out, or just cry.

John placed a caring hand over hers.

"I'm glad you made it Linda," he said gently.

For some reason, she found herself wishing she hadn't. She felt like she was obligated to die or be crippled with her brothers and sisters, to shoulder part of the burden on herself.

In desperation she grabbed John's hand with all her strength. She heard a pop in his hand and he yelped in pain, and she dropped it immediately.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized, "I didn't know I was that strong."

"It's okay," said John reassuringly, "you're just getting used to your augmentations. It'll take you a while to figure them out. You didn't hurt me too badly, I'm augmented now as well. If I had been anyone else you would have shattered every bone in my hand."

Linda felt a slight sickness in her stomach at the thought of that. These augmentations truly had turned her into a monster. John smiled at her and slid his hand back over hers, laying it flat on the table.

"Try to relax," he said gently.

She let her hand go limp, hoping he could take away some of her worry, and he gently folded her fingers around his and tenderly squeezed her hand.

She smiled at him and resisted the urge to squeeze back. She looked into his crystal blue eyes and sighed. _I could tell him I loved him right now. So why don't I?_

"John, I..." Her voice trailed off. "I'm glad you made it too," she finally said with a weak smile.

He returned the gesture. "You should get some rest. I've got to check on the rest of the Spartans."

She nodded, and reluctantly let him go. If she had had her way she would have clamped down on his hand and not let him leave. She needed him now more than ever, yet she couldn't have him. His duty as squad leader would always come first, and she doubted that she even made his top ten list of priorities.

She relaxed back onto the frigid table, and tried desperately to grab a few hours of sleep. It wouldn't be long before, ready or not, she would be back down range.

* * *

"Request permission to remain on the bridge sir," John said mournfully, "I want to see it this time, sir."

He stared through the Resolute's view screen down at Jericho VII. Despite how lush and green and perfect it looked now he knew that in a matter of minutes only glass and fire would remain.

The captain looked weary. It had been a long three year fight with the covenant for control of this system. Now the covenant were about to end that fight in a single stroke.

He glanced at John with haunted eyes. "Very well Chief. After all you've been through to save Jericho seven, we owe you that. We'll stay to watch, but if those bastards so much as twitch in our direction we're jumping the hell out of here."

John nodded. "Understood sir, thank you."

He watched as a Covenant fleet jumped into the system, and as their ventral glassing beams began to power up he began to have second thoughts about wanting to watch this, but he had to. He had fought hard to defend this planet, he would see it through to the end.

He tried to appear emotionless as he stood for an hour, watching as the covenant showered the planet in an all consuming fire. Like something that had leapt straight out of hell itself.

He didn't move until the Captain gave the order to jump, and then left without a word and headed to the lower decks of the ship where the rest of the Spartans had set up.

None of them were talking. Most lay exhausted in their bunks, some were pacing restlessly, and some had begun to clean their equipment for the next battle.

He could see the haunted look in all of their eyes. This battle had hit them hard. As much as the UNSC had tried to train morality out of them, they had failed. The civilian casualties had been excessive, and the Spartans had been ground side to see it all, and all of them took each innocent life lost as their own personal responsibility.

John glanced around to see if he could find Kelly, who had been his second in command for most of the battle. She sat at the edge of her rack reviewing a casualty report.

"Kelly, anything to report?" he asked.

"Nothing you don't already know," she responded, "Half the UNSC ground force and some hold out civilians were still planetside for the glassing, no chance of evacuation, that's millions of lives gone in an instant."

She set down her datapad and rubbed her eyes, looking exhausted.

"Are you doing okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine," she breathed, although John doubted the validity of that statement, "it's Linda you should be worried about. She's been taking this very hard. Can you talk to her? She likes you, and you seem to be the only one who can ever get through to her."

He glanced around the room to find her and didn't see her anywhere.

"Where is she?" He asked.

Kelly gestured toward the stern of the ship. "Engineering. She's locked herself in there, and when I tried to console her she hit me in the stomach. I don't hold it against her. She's been through a lot lately."

John nodded. "I'll go talk to her."

He entered the engine room and scanned the it. Linda was situated next to the FTL drive, staring at the wall in front of her with her rifle cradled in her arms. John approached her slowly and sat down next to her.

"Did Kelly send you?" She asked venomously. Her words shot through the air like a first strike weapon, and showed her deep anger well.

"It doesn't matter who sent me, I'm here for you. Now come on, tell me why you locked yourself in here."

Linda looked down at her rifle. "Three years, three long years. That's how long we've been fighting the covenant on that rock, and for what?"

She picked up her weapon and threw it against the wall. It was truly a powerful gesture of how mad Linda was. That weapon was her life, hand crafted and treated with care to insure it performed in all situations. Discarding it like that wasn't something most soldiers would do, and certainly not Linda. She looked like she was about to burst into tears.

"Why do we even try?" She spat, "No matter what we do we always lose. Every damn time. You don't get it, do you John? we're useless! No matter how many ground battles we win the war is always won or lost in space. Me, my rifle, my skills, my whole damn life of training can't do a thing to change that."

She hugged her knees to her chest and tears began to roll down her cheeks. She tried desperately to stifle them and remain a stoic warrior, but failed and instead tried to hide them by pressing her eye sockets into her knee caps.

"It's okay Linda. It's not your fault we couldn't beat them," John said reassuringly.

He wasn't to used to dealing with things like this, but he hated seeing her like this and was going to do everything in his power to comfort her.

Linda shot him a glare that could have bored through steel. "It's not? We train to be the best but we can't even stop the covenant from taking one lousy planet. How are we supposed to keep them away from Earth?"

John wasn't about to be deterred. He took reassuring Linda as a personal challenge that he had to win, and he always carried all his Spartans through the finish line with him.

"Linda, we can't win every battle. We're not the best because we never lose. We're the best because we know how to keep fighting after we've lost."

Tears began to soak through Linda's fatigues as she continued to cry silently.

"So many dead civilians. All for what?"

John put an arm around her and pulled her close to him. Linda didn't resist and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know Linda," he said as he looked down at her, "I don't know."

Her tears began to soak through John's shirt as she cried softly against his shoulder.

"It's all going to be okay," he said one last time.

She looked up at him and smiled warmly.

"Thanks John," she said weakly.

John was about to let go, but she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck to stop him.

"John," she said softly, seeming to lose the rest of her sentence before it came out.

Her beautiful green eyes were locked on his with a look that he had never seen before, nor could he describe, but it caused an odd tightness in his chest that was surprisingly not uncomfortable. She sighed and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

John was struck dumb. God that had felt good, and he wasn't even sure why. Linda's lips pressed up against his just felt, right.

She looked embarrassed at her action the moment she released him. She let go of his neck quickly and went back to curling her knees close to her chest in despair.

"What did you do that for?" John finally managed to say.

She clamped her knees even closer to her chest. "John, I-I don't know. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I'm sorry," she said in despair.

John was torn. He could tell her right now. Admit his love for her and get it off his chest once and for all, but something stopped him short. He began to hear CPO Mendez's voice ringing in the back of his head, telling him love was something he would never experience. A choice that had been made for him made sure of that.

He glanced over at Linda's huddling form. He hated seeing her like this. Just the thought of the pain she was in sickened him.

He wrapped an arm back around her. "Don't be sorry. I enjoyed it," he said reassuringly.

She looked at him in surprise, and then a smile slowly crept across her face. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. If his training wouldn't let him tell her a simple three word phrase he so desperately needed to say, then he would take solace in her embrace instead.

He leaned in, and his lips slowly met her's. At first the kiss was rough, unpracticed, uncomfortable even, but as it wore on they both became slightly more used to it, and began to enjoy it for all it was worth. When they broke she rested her head against his chest and smiled sleepily up at him as he held her close and softly hummed to her.

"Thank you," she said softly. He responded by placing a kiss on top of her head and pulling her close to him.

"We're gonna make it through this," he said, more to himself than Linda, "You, me, humanity, all of us."

She smiled and nodded. "We need to go. Someone's bound to find us like this, and that would be hard to explain."

He sighed, and reluctantly let go of her, almost feeling like he had let a piece of himself drift away. It was an uncomfortable feeling he didn't like, and assumed was one of the side effects of his affliction of love for Linda.

He helped her to her feet and lead her to a small room near the flight deck. It had been a Marine fighter pilot's room, until earlier that day. He had died while providing air cover for John. He wouldn't be needing that room anymore, and John doubted that in death he would begrudge Linda a night of peace.

He settled her into the bunk of the dead man, pulling the covers up over her shoulders and kissing her one last time.

He turned to leave, but Linda's hand shot out to stop him.

"Please stay John," she pleaded, "I feel better with you here."

He shook his head in the negative. "I'm sorry Linda, but I've got work to do still. Duty comes first, unfortunately."

She frowned and let his hand go. "Of course. I'll see you later."

"I'll come to get you in a couple hours," said John, "Goodnight my brave Spartan."

"Goodnight," she said as the door slid closed behind him.

John didn't know it then, but he should have stayed with Linda that night, held her close and reassured her, because he was gravely unaware how few of those nights he had left with her, and that for years to come he would regret leaving her side.


	4. Spartans Never Die?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Glad to see you all back here! Hope you enjoy this week's chapter. It's short, and packed with sadness, so Please be advised, many feels bellow. Enjoy.**

John watched in horror as three marines pulled Linda into the back of the pelican.

He ignited the pelican's thrusters and ordered sergeant Johnson to take the controls.

Linda's vitals were dangerously low, her armor was charred from multiple plasma strikes. John tore off her helmet and glanced down at the damage to her body. Parts of her armor had melted under the searing plasma and stuck to her skin, and some rounds had burned so deep he could see her carbonized bone.

Damnit, he shouldn't have let her go alone into that station. He shouldn't have ever made her feel alone.

She reached up to touch his arm, her movements so faint and weak that he began to think it would be the last time she would preform such a gesture, and all of a sudden the regret he felt for never admitting his love to her coursed through him like a wildfire.

"Did you get it," she whispered to him, "get the database?"

"Yes, we got it," John said.

He gripped her hand tight as if it would keep her alive longer. He thought through all of the things he regretted, all of the things he could have done to save her. There were a lot of them, but they paled in comparison to the one thing he hadn't told her. The one thing that made her the most important thing in his life.

"Good, we won." She said coldly.

"I love you," John yelled to her frantically.

Her eyes locked on his for a brief moment, then fluttered closed as her vitals flatlined.

"No, no, no!" John cried in frustration.

His heart sank like a ton of bricks, and he felt nauseous like he had never felt before.

_Now I'll never know if she heard me._

He had to save her, somehow.

As soon as the pelican docked with the _Pillar of Autumn_ John cradled Linda in his arms and sprinted for the cryo bay. If he got her to a proper medical facility maybe she would make it. She had to make it. She was a spartan. She was his spartan.

He knocked over anyone who got in front of him out of his way and sprinted to put Linda in the first available cryo chamber.

He slammed the button marked _flash freeze_ and tore off his helmet.

Hot tears ran down his face he leaned his head against the cryo tube and looked on helplessly at her ashen face. Her bright green eyes were closed tight, even her blood red hair failed to bring any semblance of life to her.

A technician ran up to the tube and plugged in his datapad. Readings scrolled across the screen.

"Is she going to make it," John said to the tech, his voice barely above a whisper.

He didn't have the strength to make it any louder.

The tech shrugged. "It doesn't look good chief. We've got brainwave activity, but she's clinically dead. That doesn't mean she'll stay that way forever, but even in this day and age death is a tough nut to crack. Had you gotten here a minute latter her brain may have been starved of oxygen, but the bronchial surfactant and Cryo should keep her this way until we get her to a proper medical facility."

John clenched his fists in rage. "Give me a straight answer now!" He exclaimed, his face now mere inches from the tech's.

The tech raised his arms defensively, expecting John to hit him. John stopped dead as soon as he realized what he was about to do, the anger evaporating from him as he reset himself to his standard emotionless state, minus the tears that streamed down his face as he rested his forehead on the cryo tube.

The tech walked over and stood beside the chief as he stared blankly into the pod in front of him, a truly brave gesture considering how John had just reacted.

"I'm not gonna lie to you chief. It's grim," he said in honesty.

John nodded his thanks to the technician, who promptly turned to leave, but stopped short. He let out a sighed and let his datapad hang loose at his side. "Chief, I can tell she meant a lot to you. If it's any consolation, I hope she comes through it all right."

John didn't respond, and the tech walked out silently. His tears froze as they collected on the glass of the cryo tube.

Emotions began to boil up inside him, and he gave into the urge to scream out loud in agony, knowing full well that there could have been other people in the room, but what he really wanted to do was run away. Somehow, maybe he could run fast enough and far enough to get away from his problems, but where would he go? Linda, the only woman he had ever loved, was now more or less dead in front of him.

"You'll be okay, I promise," said John to the dead woman in the tube in front of him, "I'll make sure you get treated. I'll make sure you heard me."

He desperately clung to his own words. He had to survive to see her again, to make sure his promise came true.

* * *

John dispatched the last of of the group of covenant guarding the alien facility where some UNSC survivors had taken refuge.

It had only been a couple of hours since he had landed on the ring world, and he had been engaged in near constant firefights the entire time.

Normally he would say that something, or a lot of things about what had gone on in the last few hours had not felt right. A giant ring world just happening to be at the end of their random jump vector? A massive covenant presence and alien ruins unlike anything they had ever seen before? It all seemed like something sinister, but he hadn't been thinking much about it.

Ever since he had placed Linda in that cryo pod he had just been going through the motions.

He didn't think, just raised his weapon, fired, reloaded and repeated, maybe saving a couple of people in the process. Grief didn't leave much time for thought, and luckily he wasn't trained to think, just shoot and move to the next objective.

"That's the last of them," said Cortana, interrupting his thoughts.

"Roger that. I'm on my way," responded Foehammer.

Chief walked slowly to the cliffside directly behind the Alien ruin and sat down, looking out at the sunset. It was beautiful, but he hardly noticed. Instead he elected to pull out his handgun and sniper rifle to inspect them for fowling.

He should have done this somewhere, anywhere else. He was in a combat zone after all. It would only take one well placed sniper round to take him out sitting in the open like this, but he hardly felt like he was in any danger.

 _Let them try to kill me,_ he thought, _it would be less painful than staying like this._

He began to wonder if this was why Mendez had always said love was such a dangerous thing. He felt as though a part of him had been ripped away when Linda died, and the part of him that was left barely had the motivation to keep going.

Chief looked down at his sniper rifle. Each UNSC sniper heavily customized their weapon, adding personal touches. Scopes, suppressors, compensators, paint jobs, little personal touches to tune the weapon to their specifications, and Linda had been no different.

Her weapon had been a work of art. Most of its pieces had been hand machined by her and for her, and she had always taken extreme pride in how it preformed. The weapon he held now was brand new, a rare sight considering how much of the UNSC's war industry had been destroyed in recent years. It had no customization. It must have been meant to be issued to someone, but had never made it to them because of the crash.

John sighed and began disassembling the weapon, deciding he should at least do something productive with his time.

"Are you thinking about her?" Asked Cortana out of the blue.

"Thinking about who?" He said, trying to keep his tone as flat as possible.

"Don't even try that chief. I ran the _Pilar of Autumn_. I saw you bring linda aboard. You know she's not dead yet, right?"

Cortana's attempt to comfort him only managed to Make him feel worse. What consolation was it to know she was not dead yet?

"Her armor was melted to her body, her heart stopped, and her cryo pod was ejected into space," he spat at Cortana, "What makes you think she'll make it through this?"

Chief had to fight to keep his tone even and his eyes dry as he thought about what had happened to linda. The image of her eyes fluttering shut, her vitals flatlining, and the woman he loved being ripped away from him was almost to much for him to bear.

"She's a Spartan chief. She'll make it."

Chief reached up and shut off his helmet's audio feed, silencing Cortana for the moment. He knew she was simply trying to reassure him, but right now he just needed to be left alone.

He looked back down at the sniper rifle and drew his combat knife, using the tip to carefully etch Linda's name into the receiver. Linda was a hero, and heroes always had things named after them. She would never approve of a building, or a capital ship being named after her, that was to flashy for a woman who had wanted nothing than to do her job and be forgotten, but a rifle was small, personal, and quite possibly the only appropriate monument to Linda's sacrifice.

John snapped the rifle to it's attachment point on his back and stood, flipping his helmet's audio feed back on as he did so. To his surprise, Cortana said absolutely nothing.

Foehammer's pelican landed, and he boarded silently, trying with all his might to burry Linda in his mind, but it was no use. If she made it through this, he would be forever guilty for the pain he caused her, and if she died as a result of his actions, her ghost would never cease to haunt him.


	5. Still Here

John dashed through the halls of the _Truth and Reconciliation_ , desperate to escape it's occupants. He should have a lot to think about right now. A new, parasitic, zombie like enemy, a suicide mission to destroy the _Pillar of Autumn_ , but all he could focus on right now was killing and killing and killing and trying to live.

He dashed into the ship's hangar, commandeering a banshee and narrowly abiding anti air fire as he escaped the Covenant ship.

He set the banshee on a course for the _Pillar of Autumn_ and locked the direction of travel into the small aircraft's onboard computer, allowing him to close his eyes for a brief moment.

He was exhausted. Close to two days of fighting with no rest had begun to take it's tole on him, but he couldn't allow himself to sleep, just close his eyes for a brief moment and accept what little rest he could get.

His mind wandered back a few hours to the Flood infested swamp that surrounded the "Covenant weapons cache" he had been sent to investigate, and the deadly, parasitic, all consuming entity it had released.

He found himself standing in a clearing as a large group of Flood came out of a thick of trees, barreling towards him and letting out low, guttural growls of fury.

He turned his assault rifle on them, mowing down a large group of them until there was only one left.

He turned to face it, Internet on taking it out, but he quickly realized that this was no ordinary flood form.

It wore Mjolnir armor head to toe including a helmet, but the tell tale signs of Flood infection in the form of tentacles and other pieces of flesh protruding from cracks in the vac suit, and a large hole in the chest wear an infection form had inserted itself were still quite evident.

John hesitated to fire on it, frozen in place in this horrible half-day-dream of his as he watched it approach him at a slow, methodical pace.

The Flood form reached up and removed its helmet, revealing a deformed, redheaded woman ridden with flood infection.

John's breath caught in his throat as he realized who the Spartan was, and looked on in horror at the bastardization of his love.

"Linda!" He called to her, "what happened to you?!"

Her head slowly turned towards him, her eyes that had once been a beautiful shade of green, but were now a murky brown, locked on his. Her skin was cracked and shriveled and some sections of her face were simply missing, rotted away to reveal the pale, rotted muscle underneath.

"John," she said in raspy, hoarse voice, "why did you leave me? Why did you send me into that station alone?"

Guilt overwhelmed him. He had turned her into this. Linda's fate as a servant of the enemy was his fault. If only he and followed her onto that station. If only he had been there to keep her alive.

His weapon clattered to the ground, and his hand shot out towards her.

"No, linda. I'm sorry. Come back to me, please! I love you!"

He felt tears run down his cheeks and collect inside his helmet as his eyes continued to stay transfixed on his dead, deformed love.

Her eyes locked on his in an evil, intense glare.

"It's to late for that John," she said, "and it's too late for me."

She then ran at him at full speed, the tentacles of flesh exploding off of her back and forming into deadly, spiked weapons.

John was frozen in place, completely unable to move as the hopelessness of the situation overtook him. He had betrayed Linda, and now she had returned in this form to pay back his treachery.

He wouldn't stop her. He would welcome his well deserved end. He opened his arms to embrace her, and as she collided with him, he pulled her close to his chest, not giving a second thought to the certain doom he was about to confront.

He felt a sharp pain in his back as Linda's tentacles rammed through his body and jarred him awake, causing him to jumping slightly inside the cockpit of the banshee.

"Chief? Are you ok? Your vitals are all over the place," said Cortana with concern.

"I'm fine," he shot back immediately.

That couldn't be farther from the truth.

He fought desperately to clear his thoughts of that image of Linda, trying desperately to convince himself that her death wasn't his fault.

_Your fault, your fault, your fault_ , was all his mind seemed able to say at this point.

He get a tear fall down his cheek, but he stopped any more of them from coming, hardening have of against displays of emotion. Thinking about this would only make the situation worse. He had betrayed a comrade, and more than that he had betrayed his love.

He did not deserve to grieve.

He turned off the banshee's autopilot and returned to the controls. Hopefully flying the aircraft manually would distract him.

He needed something, anything to keep him awake and keep his mind off of Linda, or else he risked compromising the mission.

He found himself thinking less and less about the mission as the banshee ride wore on. Right now he would give anything to give up humanity's fight and join Linda in death, but he couldn't.

Suffering in life would be his penance for causing Linda's death.

* * *

John gently brushed condensation off of the cryo tube in the bay of longsword to reveal a single, Mjolnir clad figure.

_Linda_ , he though in despair.

The moment Cortana had detected the ejected cryo tubes, hope had shot through him. There was a chance, if only a small one, that Linda may have been in one of them, but now that she lay there dead in front of him once again he could barely stand the feeling of sadness that washed over him.

In his time as a spartan he had spent time separated from her. Painful, agonizing time that mad him long to see her in a way he couldn't even describe, but right now, the urge to see her face was greater than it had ever been before.

Why did he love her? Before now he hadn't been sure why, but now all he could think about was how incredible she was.

She was the most incredible soldier he had ever met. Ruthless, efficient, quiet, patient, and deadly, those were her hallmarks, but more than that, she was the most incredible person he had ever met.

Just because she was as lethal as they come, didn't stop her from being incredibly kind, always willing to offer him, or anyone else a word of encouragement, her fiery temper made her fiercely protective and strong willed, but she was also so incredibly human.

_More human than I will ever be._

To see her like this was unbearable. In the back of his mind he wished he could simply join her in this state of hers, neither dead nor alive, if only so that he could share some of her pain.

He needed to hold out hope that she would survive, but the longer he looked at her the more difficult that became.

_You didn't tell her, you didn't tell her, you didn't tell her..._ Said a voice in the back of his mind that he could not silence.

The one thing he had needed to say, he simply couldn't. That simple fact made him feel like more of a coward than running away from battle ever would have.

His mind flashed back to his vision of her on Halo; infected, deformed, and alone. He had caused that. He had caused all of this. He had sent her to that station alone. He let her go. He had stupidly let the one good thing that had ever graced his life go into the howling dark, never to return.

He was startled from his thoughts by Sergeant Johnson, who asked something about air scrubbers and a remote com, but he mostly ignored him, directing him to the back of the ship where they were located.

Johnson picked up the gear and looked back at him.

"Don't worry about her Chief," he said reassuringly in his usual, gruff tone. "Hell, I've been hit worse and she's three times the soldier I am. She'll pull through."

_And she's ten times the soldier I am_ , Thought John, _but somehow, she had still been the one to die._

He exited the pelican without comment and followed Johnson across the hangar. He couldn't bare to look at her dead form any longer.

Johnson's promises sounded hollow to him. He had heard them a million times when he had seen other soldiers critically wounded, and he couldn't remember a single time they had come through.

No, he thought to himself, he couldn't give up now, not when Linda was so close. He had let her down too many times already, he was not about to give up on her now.

Johnson was right. He may feel guilty for causing her so much pain for the rest of his life, but he had to take comfort in the fact that Linda was here with him, and as long as she was still alive, no matter how slim it was, there was still a chance she might survive, and he would be damned if he didn't take it.


	6. Who Dares Wins

John rushed down to the medbay of the UNSC _Gettysburg_.

Linda had just undergone lifesaving surgery and was supposed to wake soon, and John wanted to be there when she did.

He had wanted to be there for Linda's surgery too. Honestly, if it hadn't been for the fact that he was the one who came up with the plan to dock with the Eridanus rebels's base, John would have stayed with Linda anyway, even if it was considered dereliction of duty or whatever bullshit name the UNSC could come up with for the crime of caring about someone.

All he cared about right now was Linda.

Her death had been a wake up call for him, and he hated himself for that. He had spent all these years hiding his feelings for her, feelings she may very well have returned had he given her the chance, and had instead waited until she had nearly left him for good to tell her what he need to. Her survival was a chance at love that he should not have had, and certainly didn't deserve, and he was going to make the most of it.

CPO Mendez could go to hell. If the Spartans under his command didn't know he was a human like them they wouldn't respect him at all. He was going to tell Linda he loved her if it killed him.

John burst through the door of the medbay.

"Is she ok?" He asked doctor Halsey.

Her eyes were bloodshot. She had been awake for hours trying to save Linda, and she hadn't been able to sleep since the operation. Linda's death had taken as much of tole on her as it had John, even if she learned of the news after he had.

"I told you she was fine hours ago John," she said, "I hope you don't assume I would lie to you."

John almost smiled just for hearing that again. He had known somewhere inside of him that Linda would pull through. She was a Spartan, and Spartans always did.

John glanced over at the operating table where Halsey had laid Linda. She looked just as peaceful as she always had when she was asleep, and just as beautiful.

John began to wonder wether or not Linda would even want to see him when she woke up. If she had heard him back on Reach she might be overjoyed to see him, and she might wake only to tell him that she had never felt anything for him.

He pushed that out of his head. Linda had been his lifeline to his humanity throughout the war. If she truly felt nothing for him, he wasn't sure what he would do.

Halsey placed a hand on his shoulder. The gesture surprised him. He had always thought of her as kind of a mother figure in his life, even if she had been incredibly abusive, but he couldn't ever remember being touched by her except when she gave him medical care.

Halsey sighed. "John I know you care about her, probably more than protocols allow."

Now John was really surprised. Halsey had never made any shown any signs of noticing anything between the two of them, and if she had seen something John was surprised she hadn't spoken about it before. John had always been her favorite, and Linda was quite possibly her least. Seeing the two of them together, even as friends would have been something he would have thought she would despise.

"what are you insinuating doctor?" He finally asked.

"I'm insinuating that you love her John," she said flatly, "You're a human being. It's what human beings do."

"Ma'am, how long have you known about this?" He asked as evenly as he could.

"Far longer than you would expect. I can assure you John I'm not the only one who took notice of you and Linda. The way you grew close to each other was hard to miss, well, at least for most. Mendez never noticed. He was to blind. He was certain you were a super human. Someone who was bred for war and who could never be corrupted by such things as compassion or love. I knew otherwise. Even if you are more biofoam than man right now you still have a heart somewhere in you. If you do love her John, you need to tell her. Regulations and the UNSC go to hell, if I can't allow you to have at least some happiness in your miserable lives." She took off her glasses and stared at the floor, "then I've failed, we all have."

John nodded his thanks to her and turned back to Linda. Halsey's words meant more to him than she could have ever known. He only wished he believed them, and that knew how to tell her that.

She was wrong about one thing in that statement. He wasn't human. Not one bit. If he was he would be able to make jokes with his squad, to feel something for the thousands of deaths he had seen, and he would have told Linda he loved her.

After this damn war was over he was going to teach himself to be the human being Halsey seemed to think he was, and with any luck Linda would help him.

She removed her hand from his shoulder and picked up her glasses and Coffee cup, "she'll be awake in under an hour. I'll leave you two alone."

John nodded to her as she left and collapsed into a chair next to Linda. He couldn't help but blame himself for the angry scars and burns that crisscrossed Linda's entire body. He should have never let her go alone back into that station. Spartans don't let each other do things like that. He had.

He couldn't keep his dreams off his mind, and Linda's intense hatred for him in them. What if she woke only to feel that way about him. He wasn't sure how he would be able to cope with her hating him over the monumental mistake he had made.

He was left alone with his thoughts for a long time, longer than he would like to remember, until her eyes finally snapped open.

She sat up abruptly and yelled out in surprise. Her breathing was quick and shallow, almost hysterical. John placed a hand on her shoulder.

"it's ok. it's ok. You're safe now," he said, trying and failing to reassure Linda.

She let out a long breath and allowed John to guide her back to a laying position with a gentle hand.

"Everything's going to be ok," he said one last time. Linda slowly became aware of her surroundings. She blinked, but her vision was still too blurry to see anything, and everything sounded distant and unrecognizable.

"where am I?" She asked in a hoarse voice.

"You're on the UNSC Gettysburg Linda. You've been out of the loop for quite a while."

Linda glanced around rapidly, trying to clear her vision and figure out who was in the room with her. She only had one thing on her mind right now, the only thing she had to think about in the moments before she had blacked out.

"Where's John?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "I need to talk to him about something he said to me before I blacked out."

John's heart skipped a beat.

"You heard me?" He said in utter surprise.

Linda's vision slowly unblurred and she focused on the person talking to her.

"John?" She asked in surprise.

He braced himself for whatever Linda might say next.

"Yes Linda, it's me."

She didn't speak for serval long moments. Less than ten seconds may have passed, but for John it felt like an eternity. Thoughts of how she might react began to race through his mind, his head becoming an echo of what ifs, until she sat up and looked him in the eye, her hand slowing extending until it rested over his.

"John, why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked. John looked at her in surprise.

"You, feel the same way?"

She smiled and nodded.

"I have for a long time, I was just too nervous to tell you. I ended up convincing myself you would never feel the same way about me, and I didn't want to risk making our friendship awkward if I told you so I didn't. Now I feel awful that I didn't tell you. How long have you felt this way? Why didn't you tell me?"

He pondered the reason why for a long moment. What was he supposed to say? That he was scared? True, but not the whole truth. It was against regulation? True, but that hadn't stopped him before.

He sighed and prepared to tell her the whole truth.

"Linda," he said timidly, "you don't have any reason to feel bad. I had many chances to tell you how I felt, and I should have used any of them, but I waited until the last possible moment to tell you. Love wasn't something that was trained into me, in fact it was trained out of me, right along with my humanity. I didn't tell you because I thought it would end up ruining my ability to lead, and I thought I was the only one I was effecting by not telling you, now I see I was effecting you too. I didn't tell you because I was a coward that cared more for his position than you, and I'm so sorry for any heartache I caused you. Please forgive me."

Linda just let his apology roll off her and smiled.

"What are you sorry for John? You were nervous just as I was. Besides, you didn't wait until the last minute. I blacked out, and I'm fine now."

John's expression soured and he looked at the floor. He gripped Linda's hand tightly as he thought of the best way to tell her what had really happened to her.

"John? What is? What happened?" She asked with concern.

John tried to fight back the image of her lifeless body sitting in that cryo tube. Cold, dead, and alone.

"There's no easy way to put this," he said, trying to sound strong and failing, "but you died on that station Linda. I put you in cryo and Halsey revived you, but medically you were dead for several months."

Linda paused for a moment as she tried to comprehend what John had just said.

"Died..." She breathed, her voice empty of emotion, her eyes narrowing to a thousand yard stare.

John wanted badly to comfort her, but he had never been good at such things. He remember the feeling of her embrace before the augmentations, and the reassurance it had given him. If anything could comfort Linda it would be that.

John wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him.

"I died?" She asked once again. The look on her face was a mixture shock and horror.

John nodded, but couldn't bring himself to say anything further. He held her gently in is arms and hummed softly to her. He didn't want her to feel alone in a time of need, and he certainly never wanted her to feel unloved again as long as she lived.

Linda relaxed after a moment and smiled up at him weakly.

"John, it's not your fault that happened to me, and it's not your fault you couldn't tell me you loved me. You didn't ask for this training any more than I did, and having it doesn't make you inhuman either."

He shook his head. "You shouldn't forgive me so easily."

"Why?" She shot back, "so we can go on feeling sorry for ourselves and never be honest with each other? I don't want that John. I need you with me as much as you need me."

John was silent for a while. Linda smiled and squeezed his hand, willing him to respond.

"Linda, I abandon you on that station. I should have never done that. I let you go alone and face the enemy and you paid the price for my mistake."

She shook her head. "We're Spartans John. I knew the risks of that as much as you did."

He fell silent once again, unwilling to meet her gaze.

She grabbed him and made hi look at her, forcefully, but not unkindly.

In the face of her intense gaze he squeezed her hand and conceded his response. "but I want to be someone you deserve, not someone you settle for. Teach me to be better. Please."

She smiled and laughed, satisfied with his answer, "alright John, your first lesson in being human is to tell me what you meant to tell me years ago, properly this time."

He nodded, and looked her dead in her beautiful green eyes. He could hear CPO Mendez's voice in the back of his head, giving him a million reasons why he should not be doing this, reminding him of the career and the people he was putting at risk, but he pushed those thoughts out of his head. He had waited too long already to tell Linda this, and he wasn't going to let anyone get in the way of him telling her now.

"Come on John. Just say it," she said, as if to reinforce his thoughts.

"Linda, I love you," he said tentatively, "I always have, and I always will."

John felt like a thousand pound weight had been lifted from his chest the moment the words left his mouth. He leaned over and kissed Linda, slowly at first, and then more passionately, carding his hands into her silky red hair and enjoying the kiss until he was forced to come up for air.

He rested his forehead against hers, his breathing quick and excited. A million amazing feelings shot through him and he knew then that he didn't want them to end. He wasn't sure if the part of him that would scold him for not fulfilling his duty was gone, or simply wasn't there right now, but he didn't care. He was with the only woman he had ever loved and that was all he cared about.

Linda moved a hand over his back to calm him. "Wow, who knew this side of you existed?" She said with a slight smile.

"No one but you," he said in honesty.

She placed a thoughtful kiss on his forehead in response and pulled herself close to his chest, closing her eyes as he embraced her fully.

"I'm exhausted," she said breathlessly.

"You should get some rest," he said, letting go of her, but she didn't let go of him.

"Yeah, I should," she said as she clung to him.

He laughed softly. "And you're going to sleep like that?"

"If that's what I have to do..."

John nodded and held her tight. He would have loved to curl up next to her, but the hospital bed was barely big enough for her augmented frame as it was.

He felt her breathing and heart rate slow as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

"I love you too," Linda finally said as she curled up against him, and drifted off to sleep in his arms.

John laid her down on the bed, gripping her hand tightly, and for the first time in years, John smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Awww! That was so sweet!**
> 
> **let's see how long it lasts for them *grins evilly***
> 
> **So, now you know how the story got it's name sake(I'm so creative), and we reached a point of almost resolution. If only there weren't a whole lot of war after this, then they could be happy. Too bad.**
> 
> **Oh well, it makes for a good story at their expense.**
> 
> **I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	7. For Better or for Worse

John stood poised at the door of the small prefabricated building before him, rifle aimed at its lock. He tapped his helmet twice, alerting the stack of Spartans behind that they were going to make a no-knock entry.

The hut supposedly belonged to doctor Halsey. John and the Spartans had tracked her to a remote planet, not located on many star charts. It was desolate, mostly covered in harsh, sandy deserts and little water to speak of, but they had come here to find the doctor and Kelly, and they wouldn't let such small things get in their way.

John assumed the doctor had taken Kelly for benign reasons, and that she would be able to explain everything once they spoke to her, but Fred had thought otherwise, and John had always trusted his squadmate's gut on these issues.

John heard Fred's hand clap onto Linda's shoulder and then her hand onto his, indicating they were ready. He tapped his helmet twice once again and fired three rounds into the door's lock, flinging it open and dashing in, sweeping the room as he went.

The inside of the sheet-metal building was unlit except for a two, small lights, and contained little more than a surgical table with the same compliment of robotic arms and equipment that had been used to augment the Spartans, and a table with a shelf full of test tubes. Kelly was in her armor, sprawled out haphazardly on the operating table, restrained by straps of woven titanium. She was contorted in pain and screaming loudly. Doctor Halsey sat facing away from John at her table, and slowly turned to face him after taking a sip of coffee as though a team of super soldiers kicking in her door was the least-odd thing that had happened to her today.

"Fred, John, Linda, so good to see you," she said with a smile.

"Doctor, what is this?" Asked John as he scanned around the room.

"Oh, just a little lab I made for emergencies in my free time," she said with an innocent smile, "you'd be surprised what I can do with low tech facility such as this."

John looked to Fred, who made a slashing motion across his neck. He wasn't buying it.

John secured Halsey while Fred and Linda rushed over to help Kelly.

"What the hell have you done to Kelly?" Asked Fred as he looked for some kind of anesthetic to help her.

Halsey laughed, almost evilly. "I made her better Fredric, so much better, and it's all thanks to John."

John spun to face her, staring down at her imposingly. He didn't want to believe she had done something evil to Kelly, surely she wouldn't harm one of them for no reason at all, but this situation seemed as bad as it looked, and the way she smiled as Kelly writhed in agony only accentuated his fears.

"What did you do?" He asked, his tone deathly serious.

Fred rolled Kelly over slightly, and froze, leveling his rifle at Kelly's neck and backing away.

"John? What the hell is that thing?" John spun and met Fred's gaze, fixing his eyes on Kelly's neck as well. Attached to it was a single Flood infection form, colored a pale blue. By the looks of things it had been there a while.

 _She's infected!_ Thought John.

The image of an infected Linda snapped before his eyes, the horror he had felt washing over him once again.

"No!" Said John, leveling his weapon at Halsey's forehead. "How?"

"Cortana's research on halo," she said calmly, "I used it to recreate the flood, and make it loyal. It obeys my commands now. Now Kelly will feel no pain in combat John. None of you ever will. Don't you see, I did this all for you. No more pain, no more suffering."

John moved his weapon to face Kelly as he heard the restraints that tied her to the table begin to groan, and then span, setting her free.

She lunged first at Fred, impacting him with such a force that John heard his neck snap, and leaving an imprint of his armor in the wall, next she lunged for Linda, pinning her to the ground and beginning to beat on her helmet, hell bent on killing her.

John moved to lunge at kelly, but couldn't. He was frozen in place, weighed down by some invisible force. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Halsey smiling as Linda tried and failed to get free from Kelly, who was close to having beat her helmet to dust.

"John, help, please!" Pleaded Linda.

He fought as hard as he could to move. He wouldn't lose Linda again. He couldn't.

He watched as Kelly reared up her fist and drove it through Linda's helmet with incredible force, crushing her skull.

"No!" He yelled aloud.

Kelly turned to face him, revealing her horrible, mutated, flood infected face, hidden only slightly behind a now shattered visor, and he jerked awake.

He was disoriented, not sure where he had woken up. Every muscle in his body had seized up and he was breathing heavily, gripping something that was in his arms with all his strength, almost to the point of crushing it.

Linda woke abruptly to heavy breathing and John's arms wrapped painfully tight around her, pulling her tight to his chest.

"John, what is it? what's wrong?" She asked, but he didn't respond. His breathing stayed at an erratic pace and he only gripped her tighter. His eyes were wide, and he looked disoriented.

She forced herself out of his grasp, which would have crushed her is she hadn't been augmented, maybe a little too violently, and pinned his arms to the bulkhead next to the small bed they were sleeping on.

His muscles were still wound tight and the same dead look was still in his eyes. She couldn't imagine what kind of dream he had had to have to do this to him. It was almost as though John had simply left, or lost control of his own body, and what she was looking at was just a shell.

"John," she said softly, "it's me, Linda. You're ok. You're on Cairo station. It's not real. You're safe."

John's breathing slowed steadily, bringing him to a more calm state as Linda waited patiently for him to regain his focus.

"Linda..." He said, letting out a long breath, and letting his muscles relax.

"Yes John, it's me," she said with a weak smile.

She released his arms and sat down next to him, rubbing his shoulder to calm him.

John turned to face her and instantly saw the red marks on her arms that he had caused, and knew they would certainly leave a bruise.

He recoiled away from her touch.

He had hurt her. He was sick of harm coming to those he loved. He wouldn't let himself hurt her again.

"Linda, I'm sorry..."

She pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him.

"I'll be fine. After all, it takes more than a few bruises to take me down," she said with a half cocked smile.

John backed even further away from her at the thought of her death, and Linda nearly hit herself for joking about something that had had such an effect on him.

She frowned and placed her hand on his shoulder once again. He tried to shrug it off, but she stopped him, holding it there insistently until he relaxed.

When he seemed ready to talk she slowly coaxed the details of his dream out of him, reassuring him as best she could that it was just a dream, but on some level it seemed like he almost didn't believe her. The dream had been as real for him as it gets.

"Kelly's gonna be fine," she said when he finished, "She's tough, and I'm sure Halsey won't hurt her."

If she was being honest, she didn't believe a word of that. Linda had never trusted Halsey, and although she doubted she would do something that horrible to Kelly, she didn't trust her with her safety either.

Kelly might have been a pain in the ass, but she was still one of her closest friends, practically her sister, and no one deserved the kind of awful situations Halsey could dream up. Every spartan knew that first hand.

Still, John trusted trusted Halsey, and the thought seemed to reassure him.

He let out a long breath and took Linda into his arms, relaxing against the bulkhead.

Linda felt his heart still hammering against his ribcage as she let him settle into his tentative embrace. She could tell by the way he barely applied any pressure to her that he was still afraid of hurting her, but she decided not to say anything about it, it would only heighten his anxiety further

"You gonna be ok?" She asked after a moment.

John let his breathing even out before responding

"Today? How could I be?" He responded almost humorously.

Linda frowned

She knew today had been stressing John out for several reasons. Today was the day John was to appear in front of Lord Hood as part of a televised ceremony. John had never been one for large groups of people, and being televised to the earth and every colony the UNSC had left was just about as big an audience as anyone could imagine.

Unfortunately, it was also the day that Fred and Linda were to be debriefed by ONI. Linda wished she could be there with him, even though she liked crowds even less than John. He really shouldn't have been at such a function at all, but for whatever reason, on the eve of humanity's annihilation, ONI had decided John was better used as a PR tool than a soldier for reasons that baffled Linda.

The eve of humanity's annihilation. That was what really got Linda. For better or for worse, the war was about to be over. She knew that the conflict she had been fighting all her life was about to end in the next few months, and both her days alive and her days with John might be numbered.

Linda pushed that thought out of her head and laughed, pulling John in for a kiss. If she couldn't enjoy their time together much longer, then she would just have to make the most of it.

"Come on, today won't be that bad," she teased, "A new suit of armor, a fancy ceremony in your honor, I think you're about to have the time of your life."

John smiled down at her and shook his head. "Sorry. I think I'm already having that here with you."

And just like that, both of them forgot all about John's dream, and the ceremony, and kissed each other.

They hadn't had many moments like this in their lives at all. Linda's mind wandered briefly to the thought of the fear she had felt of what John would think if he knew how she felt about him, and how it had kept her from this, and then that thought disappeared.

None of that mattered anymore. They were together now, and of they were to face the Covenant one last time, at least they would do it together.

When they broke John continued to hold her tight, knowing that he would have to leave her in just a few short minutes to get ready for the ceremony.

Those few minutes passed like nothing, and John's alarm rang to let him know he had to leave.

Linda slinked out of his arms, and John stood to leave, but before he could she grabbed him by the hand and looked him in the eye.

"Don't worry about this ceremony," she said firmly, "it will be over before you know it, and then we'll face the Covenant together. I'll be by your side, for better or for worse."

John nodded and kissed her on the forehead.

"Alright," he said with a smile, "for better or for worse."

And with that, he strode out the door.

Linda sat back down on the bed and sighed contently. There was a lot of hell and heart break about to come down the line for both of them, but no matter how bad it got, at least they would have each other to lean on.

* * *

Blood sloshed around on the floor of the Spartan's pelican as it flew low over the waters of the Atlantic Ocean, now only a few miles out from the Cuban coast.

Linda had never been sickened by the site of blood in her life, but right now she could just about vomit. The floor of the pelican was a reminder of all that had been gained during the conflict that had transpired over the last few weeks? No months? She couldn't remember. Time fighting all seemed to blur together now a-days.

A lot of dead, that was all these battles ever led to. Why did she ever think earth would somehow be different?

Now John wasn't even here to face it with her, as he has so many times before.

She pulled out a small, fragmented piece of metal from her pocket. It was fractured piece of an SRS99C sniper rifle with her name engraved on it. John had snapped it off of a rifle that he had used, and subsequently broken, while trying to use it as a melee weapon on Halo.

When he had given it to her, and told her how her name had come to be carved on it, she was more than a little surprised. John had never been one to keep battlefield trophies, or anything that wasn't issued to him by the UNSC for that matter. The fact he had thought to keep something that reminded him of her was no small gesture of sincerity on his part.

This small piece of a rifle and her were all John had ever held on to in his life.

He was supposed to still be there, holding onto her, but now he was gone. He was supposed to fight by her side, to face the covenant with her, and although she certainly wouldn't be facing the covenant alone, the thought of him being away from her worried her immensely.

It was a big Galaxy, and a big war, and knowing John he could be in any of it. The blood around her just served as a reminder that this war had casualties. She had been one of them, for a while, and she could be again, so could John...

How would she cope if she lost John? The thought of him dead...No.

She had to focus on the mission. John was gone, worrying about him was pointless. All she could do was hope he would come back in one piece.

Cuba appeared on her tac at in the corner of her HUD. She slid the piece of metal into her armor's admin pocket, stood, and grabbed her rifle, readying for a hot drop.

_I'll be by your side, for better or for worse._

She would just have to add that to a mounting list of broken promises this war had created.

 


	8. For Worse

John stood and dashed out of cover after downing the last brute protecting the barrier generator tower's lower level. He made a run for the lift to the top, with the Arbiter and his elites in tow.

As he boarded the elevator the Sangheili fell back to provide security at the elevator's base.

"Darken this tower and the barrier will fall," said the Arbiter, gesturing to him as he positioned his elites, "go Spartan, we have no time to waste."

John nodded and pressed the key at the center of the elevator car, starting his assent to the barrier control room. He checked the ammo on his assault rifle, then checked that the rocket launcher on his back was secure. It had been a long and arduous fight to secure the Ark and he would be damned if he let an equipment malfunction keep him from getting his job done.

He tried to clear his mind of the nagging feeling in the back of his mind he had had since he had left Linda on earth. He couldn't help but feel like he had abandoned her and his team. He had promised to be by her side, and he had left her to face the Covenant alone. The last time he had done that he had gotten her killed.

Suppressing the though was harder than usual. He knew he couldn't have done anything to stay and fight with them, and he was more useful to the UNSC here, but knowing how this had turned out last time was almost more than he could stand.

He would finish the Covenant here once and for all, and return to earth as quickly as possible. Getting back to Linda would only motivate him to fight harder and survive.

The elevator car slowed to a halt as it reached the top. Through a clear shield in front of him he could see the opposition. Brutes, lots of them, and most of them cloaked. A Chieftain with a plasma cannon sat at the head of the room, snarling at John and firing a string of rounds into the air in rage.

John ignored the display of dominance and rushed forward, taking a knee by the glass barrier. He watched for any bending of light near the edges of the room, and settled the cross hair of his HUD on them, aiming high and making no attempt to conserve ammo.

He wouldn't need it once the barrier fell.

He dropped the four cloaked brutes methodically, before casting aside his AR and grabbing the launcher from his back. Settling it onto his shoulder, he aimed at the Chieftain's center mass and steadied his breathing.

Several rounds form the Chieftain's plasma turret struck his shields, but he ignored them and prepared to squeeze the trigger.

Wether she's dead or alive, this one's for Linda, thought John as he pulled the trigger twice, blowing the brute to bits.

John's radio crackled as he dropped the launcher and caught his breath.

"Hit the switch Chief, and the barrier will fall," said Commander Keyes over the com.

John didn't need to be told twice. He ran for the control and activated it, standing back to watch the barrier fall over the twilight scene of the Ark.

Had John not known there was a war going on, he might have counted the scene as peaceful, but he wouldn't let it distract him now.

He watched as the Shadow Of Intent drifted into view, setting course for the structure the prophet was hiding in.

"Now prophet, your end has come," said 'Urtas over FLEETCOM as he maneuvered the super carrier into position.

John half expect him to open up and glass the prophet right then and there, but a slipspace rupture opening to the port side of the vessel tore John's attention away from the spectacle.

A large, jellyfish like structure burst from the rupture, and John froze in place.

 _High Charity_ had come, the Flood had arrived on the Ark.

His radio began to burst with panicked traffic, and he barely had time to duck as pieces of the flood ridden space craft shot off, one punching clean through the _Shadow Of Intent_ and one blowing out the glass wall in front of him.

He looked behind him and found several pieces of smoldering wreckage, and a group of Flood facing him. He fought the images that appeared in his mind at their very sight, recollections of dreams and sleepless nights brought on by constant images of this parasitic menace.

He wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, but he was scared to death in that moment. He had faced every foe that had been thrown at humanity in this war, and the Flood alone had managed to secure his fear.

He shouldered his assault rifle and fired, fighting to clear his head as he cleared the room.

Survive. Right now, that was all he needed to do.

* * *

 

Linda looked towards the Dyson Sphere's "sky," if you could even call it that, as she marched alongside the group of Spartans toward wherever Fred and Halsey believed they would find a way out of this god-forsaken place.

Normally Linda would have said something about letting Halsey lead the way, but right now it wasn't her place to comment. She was their best chance of getting out of this hell hole wether she liked it or not, and right now, all Linda wanted was to get out and rejoin the real fight.

Seeing so many of her newfound brothers, the Spartan IIIs, die at the hands of the sentinels or the Covenant had left her feeling numb and hollow, and she wasn't the only one.

Earlier she had overheard Kelly asking Fred wether or not he thought John was alive, and Fred seemed hopeful, but not nearly as hopeful as he would have a few months ago. Back then the mere thought that John could die would have been completely foreign to any of them, but after so many had died on Reach and _Unyielding Hierophant_ none of the Spartans seemed hopeful about anyone's survival.

Linda didn't blame them for it, she knew no one given up on John, they were simply preparing for the worst.

She took notice as CPO Mendez fell into step next to her. She didn't turn her head or attempt to interact with him in any way.

Linda had noticed that Mendez had overtly tried to play nice with the II's since they had arrived on Onyx. He saluted Fred without question, and spoke of them as battle hardened warriors rather than equipment, but Linda didn't think of it as anything more than a load of rhetorical crap that he had concocted in the years since he had trained them as children to fight and die for a cause they barely understood, and Linda had had nothing to say to him about any of it.

Seeing the age of the Spartan IIIs that surrounded her only brought back painful memories of her training. Back then she hadn't questioned the necessity of it, even if Halsey had hated her, and she hadn't liked it, it was still for the good of humanity, but years of sleepless nights and the pains of augmentation had made her grow to resent him and Halsey, not for the simple reason that they hadn't agreed with her unconventional fighting style or that they had pushed a child too hard, but because she realized now what they had taken from them.

No matter what a Spartan says, everyone of them had thought about what civilian life could have been like at one point in their career. Linda knew it wasn't something she could handle now, she had seen to much to be comfortable in that kind of life, and even though doctor Halsey had pointed out to her many times that her genetics made her predisposed to high-stress occupations, like military service, she would have liked to have been able to make that choice for herself.

The mere thought of that luxury made her feel wrong. She had been raised to believe that thoughts such as those were evil, and that they would be the death of her and her teammates, and the data about why the program was necessary had been thrown at her countless times to drive that fact into her head. A myriad of statistics pointed to a need for a force such as the Spartans to crush the Insurrection, but looking at the child soldiers surrounding her and thinking back to when she had been one of them only made her think more and more that the program had been wrong.

Humanity had lost itself in the process of saving itself, and no number could justify that.

She didn't spend any more time dwelling on it, however. Questions of morality were not her place. This was the way her life had played out, and right now John, and more people than she cared to think about were depending on her to get out of this sphere and help them finish the Covenant.

She glanced over at Mendez to see if he had left, and much to her chagrin, he hadn't.

"What's on you're mind Spartan?" Asked Mendez after a moment, realizing she wasn't going to start a conversation on her own.

"Nothing Chief," she said said snappily, hoping he would give up. She had never been one for conversation anyway.

God did it feel wrong to be calling him Chief again after so many years of referring to John by that name. John was ten times the man and ten times the soldier Mendez had ever been, and having him take his title from him almost made her sick.

"Nothing at all?" He inquired, "Earth? the war? Getting out of here?"

She wanted to give him a piece of her mind right about now, tell him exactly what she was thinking about the program, the dead, him, but that wasn't productive. Staying quiet when she needed to had always been one of her strong suits.

"Spartan?" He asked impatiently after a moment.

"John," she said, appeasing him with a response, "I'm thinking about John."

Mendez laughed and so hard his Sweet William cigar almost fell out of his mouth.

"John? He's a soldier, he knows his duty, and he'll complete it or die trying. No need to worry about him."

That comment couldn't have infuriated her more. To Mendez, John wasn't the boy he had trained, and practically raised to become what he is today, he was just a very expensive piece of equipment.

He didn't care if he lived or died, just that his mission was completed.

Mendez was right however. John would complete his mission or die trying, and that was what worried her.


	9. The Way the World Ends

Linda stood at perfect attention as Admiral Hood began the memorial service at Voi.

The air of the ceremony was somber, the correct mood for a day of mourning, but she couldn't help but think that this service was something that none of the dead would have approved of, not only because they didn't believe it would be necessary to mourn them, but because of how big of a propaganda stunt the admiral had turned it in to.

The memorial was overtly simple in nature, consisting of only pelican wing with soldiers personal effects attached to it with tape and the numbers 117 scrawled into the wing with a combat knife, but the number of cameras and reporters present at the service showed how the Navy intended to use this as a publicity stunt, and worse than that, it had also turned into a convoluted way for old, pre-war grudges and rivalries to come out.

When blue team had arrived here they had found several members of the army engaged in a shouting match with a group of Marines that were denying them entrance to the memorial. Apparently, even though the memorial was supposed to be for all members of the UNSC armed forces that had died during the war, the Navy hadn't invited the Army to the memorial, saying that they and the Marines had fought most of the war.

Personally, Linda didn't care what the political reason for the Army being denied entrance was, because frankly, after everything these men had been through it wasn't up to some Admiral somewhere to decide how they should mourn. Everyone in the UNSC, from the Marines down through the Coast Guard, had lost someone, and possibly everyone in this war, and Linda wasn't about to let some petty branch rivalry stop an honest group of soldiers from mourning their fallen comrades.

Making a statement at the expense of mourning soldiers was simply wrong. That wasn't the UNSC that Holly, or Kurt, or John, or anyone else had fought, and possibly died to protect.

It had only taken one icy, infuriated glare from Linda to get the Marines to back off, and remember who their real enemy was, or had been.

She silently took her place in line, and willed the ceremony to be over as quickly as possible.

Linda didn't listen to most of the speeches. Her thoughts were a tangle mess of emotion, and at the center of all of it was John.

No one had given her a straight answer yet as to wether he was dead or not. His file read missing in action, for obvious reasons, but as far as wether or not he had actually died, no one seemed to want to tell her.

Many had told her that his half of the _Forward Unto Dawn_ may very well still be adrift in slipspace, and that had may still be alive, but so many others had told her casually to forget him. He was gone, and there was nothing she could do to change that.

She couldn't believe that she had had the self control to keep from decking those people.

John was alive. He had made it through worse than this, and if she could die and come back to life then he could just as easily survive a mere slipspace malfunction.

She felt Fred tap her on the shoulder, snapping her from her thoughts as her role in the memorial came up. John had been awarded the rank of Master Chief Petty Officer of the Navy posthumously, and despite the fact that as the highest ranking member in the squad, Fred should have accepted the award for him, he had allowed Linda to accept it instead, knowing that John had meant more to her than any other member of Blue Team, and that was saying a lot.

She walked slowly forward towards Lord Hood and accepted the two rank epaulets.

"I'm so sorry Spartan," she heard him say as she took them, his voice barely above a whisper.

She nodded, appearing as emotionless as she could, and saluted him before turning to the memorial.

She approached slowly and reverently, kneeling down and pinning one of the epaulets to the wing with a piece of tape.

She fought hard to hold back her emotions, but she couldn't stop a stream of tears from falling silently down her face as she tacked the simple piece of fabric to the wing.

The though of John being gone was too much, even if it wasn't true.

She placed the other epaulet in her pocket, and despite it being only a simple piece of fabric, Linda swore it weighed as much as a scorpion tank.

She returned silently to her place in the line of mourners, and the Marine Corps Honor Guard marched out and lined up in front of the grave for a three volley salute.

The weight of John's epaulet grew as the team went through its run down of ceremonial commands.

"Ready, aim, fire!" Came the call from the NCO in charge.

The Marines raised there weapons, and pulled the trigger.

Each rifle fired a three round burst that on any other day would have been noise in the background for her, but today it sounded as deafening as seven MAC guns going off.

She fought off sobs. She couldn't mourn. John was alive, he had to be, and it was wrong to mourn him without proof he was dead. It would be giving up on him way to easily. He would never give up on her like this. Not until he had seen her dead himself.

Still, the sadness and the emptiness came as the deafening barrage continued.

The service wrapped up quickly afterwards, and Linda followed Kelly and Fred silently as they left.

The pelican ride back to their temporary duty station in Kenya was just as silent. All of the were still trying to process how their former leader and life long friend could possibly be dead.

When they finally arrived Kelly and Fred both looked as though they had something to say to Linda, but thought better of it. There was nothing they could say to her that she hadn't already heard.

Fred placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently, and walked away silently.

Kelly looked at her with extreme sadness, unsure of what to do. She placed her hands on Linda's shoulders and frowned. Normally she would have had some crude, cynical joke to make about all this, but even Kelly couldn't make light of the supposed death of the glue that had held together their team through some of the toughest battles of the war.

She hesitated for a moment, before wrapping her arms around Linda in a hug.

"I'm so sorry Linda," she said quietly.

A bittersweet smile formed on her face. "I know I teased you and John, but I can tell you really cared about each other."

Linda nodded. For some reason it felt good to embrace her Spartan sister like this. It didn't provide the same level of comfort that John's embrace did, but it was something.

She smiled at Kelly, and let her go.

"If you need anything," said Kelly, her voice uncharacteristically sad, "you know where to find me."

Linda nodded, and slipped silently into her quarters, collapsing onto her bed and pulling John's epaulet from her pocket.

Holding it close to her chest, she finally let all the hurt she felt flow out, and cried. The feeling that John might be gone for good was awful, lonely, gut wrenching, and nearly unbearable. Her heart thudded against her chest where she still held tight to the insignia.

If John truly wasn't coming back as so many had said, then she wasn't sure what she would do. The thought of having him to run too after the war was something she has clung to for a long time, now it was gone as quick as the muzzle flashes of the burial detail's rifles.

Tears soaked her pillow as she began to grasp for anything that could help pull her from this state. She had never mourned anyone in her life, she had never had time to, now she knew what it was like. It felt like there was no hope for the better tomorrow that she had always foolishly held out hope for at the end of the war, all that would happen now was more fighting and more burials.

If that was what life would continue as, she needed John by her side. When life had been too much he had always been there for her.

"You have to come back to me John," she said in anguish, "you have to."

* * *

John fought his consciousness, barely able to stay focused.

A flash of light, a splipspace jump, blackness. Had his visor been damaged? Had he lost consciousness? Did he escape the Ark?

 _Am I dead?_ He wondered for a moment.

The events of the past hour or so had had a certain air of finality to them. The Flood destroyed, the Ark ended, maybe the war really was over for him.

...But he couldn't be dead. He had promises to keep, to Linda, the Arbiter, his team, the UNSC, he had cheated death for all of them multiple times and he wouldn't let this get in his way.

Maybe he could go home, maybe suffer through civilian life for a while. No, not his style, he'd fight till the day he died, but his team, Linda, he could get back to them once and for all, to keep his promise for better or for worse.

"Chief? Can you here me?"

Asked a voice in the distance. Not just any voice, Cortana's voice. Never had he expected his AI companions voice to sound so sweet.

He wasn't dead, not yet, and as long as he was alive he still had a promise to keep to Linda.

He shook his head, trying to clear his vision, and flicking on his helmet's headlights while he was at it.

As his vision unblured he began to see the full scope of damage to _The Forward Unto Dawn_.

It was extensive. What had happened during that slipspace jump?

Cortana let out a small sigh of relief as she noticed him beginning to move.

"I thought I'd lost you too," she said, almost happily.

Chief smiled slightly behind his mask. Knowing Cortana had survived with him was enough to take his mind off the situation, even if just for a brief moment.

He pivoted to face down the _Dawn's_ hallway, and found himself staring directly at the void of space through a massive whole in the ship's hull.

"What happened?" He asked as he floated towards the breach, grabbing his assault rifle, that had somehow managed to stay floating by his side, as he drifted by it, clapping it onto his back.

"Not sure," replied Cortana, "when Halo fired it shook itself to pieces, did a number on the Ark..."

As he drifted closer to edge he began to see the full extent of the damage to the ship. It was torn in half, still glowing orange from the massive amount of heat it had taken to shear through 162 meters of titanium A battle plate.

This ship wasn't going anywhere soon.

"The portal couldn't sustain itself," continued Cortana, "we made it through just as it collapsed."

John sighed.

 _Not everyone_.

"Well, some of us made it," she continued, almost as if she had read his mind.

John nodded. Even though he had a rare moment of opportunity to dwell on that fact, he didn't want to. It was too painful. The thought of how many men and women had died on that god forsaken installation...it was too much death even for him to comprehend.

He turned and headed towards the interior of the ship. He knew the protocol in the case of an event like this, he was to head to the ship's cryo bay and put himself under until Cortana could get a signal out to the nearest UNSC unit.

So this is it, the war really was over for him. Not the way he had expected it to end, but he was a fool for ever thinking it would end happily.

This was the way things always seemed to end for him.

How would Linda react to him going missing? He couldn't stand the thought of her mourning him. He hoped she would be the professional soldier she had been taught to be and move on, but he knew her better than that. She would grieve, and knowing her she would find a way to blame herself for what had happened to him.

He wanted anything but for her to mourn him, but it was what he would have done had she died, and he knew that she was far more human than he. She would feel his loss painfully, in a way he could never hope to comprehend. He was simply a machine that had fallen in love with a woman, and that woman had found the kindness in her heart to love him back, and now, despite his deep desire to protect her, she would be harmed for the undying kindness she had shown him.

He filed away these thoughts deep in his mind. They wouldn't bring him closer to the woman he loved so dearly, and they wouldn't help him heal her. Not yet.

He drifted into the cryobay, and scanned the room. It looked as dead as the rest of the ship.

This place would be his home, at least for the time being, and hopefully it wouldn't become his tomb.

"But you did it," said Cortana hopefully as he floated towards the cryobay's holoprojector, "Truth, and the Flood, and the Covenant, it's finished."

He pulled Cortana's chip from his helmet, inserting it into the holoprojector. Her avatar flickered to life and stood before him.

Maybe all that was finished, but so was he. When he exited that cryotube everyone he knew and loved could be dead, or he maybe he would never exit it at all. John had never been a religious man, but he found himself asking for forgiveness from someone higher than himself as he turned towards the cryotube.

"It's finished," he breathed as he flicked off his helmet's lights, snapped his assault rifle into its storage rack, and settled himself into the tube.

"I'll drop a beacon," said Cortana, "but it'll be a while before anyone finds us, years even."

She flickered for a second, and John began to see a bit of sadness form in her expression.

"I'll miss you..." She said carefully, almost like she was admitting a close secret.

He nodded. He had never been good at saying goodbye. Maybe he should say something to her, but he wasn't sure how to convey what he felt right now. They had become close friends over the short time he had known her, and he had come to need her as a companion, something to keep hi grounded and human when his humanity was fighting some battle on a distant planet, and he suspected by the tone of her voice that she had come to need him.

"Wake me, when you need me," he said finally, hoping that maybe maintaining his stoic personality would put her at ease, and maybe be able to reassure her that everything was just business as usual.

He knew it wasn't, however.

As the cryopod sealed shut, he could only think of the many things he regretted never saying to Linda.

He may never get the chance again to say his goodbyes to her again, never get the chance to see her face one last time. At least the memories he had of her would last...

Maybe he would dream about her in cryo, get the chance to see her, or touch her one last time, even if it was just a fleeting, and fake moment.

His mind began to numb as the freezing cold began to eat away at his consciousness, but he fought against drifting off with all his will.

 _Goodbye Linda_ , he thought as he began to freeze and drift off, _I'll make it back to you, I promise_.

_...I love you._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **We're finally here! Blue Team's reunion!**
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> **I'm going to be honest, I hated how this was done in comic form, so I'm happy to have hopefully improved it while keeping it canon at the same time.**
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> **So I won't hold you any longer. Enjoy the conclusion to Just Say It.**

John fought to hold keep a grip on light bridge and pull himself up to face the Didact. Every part of him hurt, his arms and fingers burned as he hefted himself up and over the side of the bridge.

This was the end of the fight for him, he had to stop the Didact, he had to halt the Composer. He probably wouldn't be making it out of here alive, but he couldn't think about that now. Right now he had a job to do.

John yanked a pulse grenade from his belt and held it up, gathering the last of his strength for one last run at the Didact. Cortana was restraining him enough for John to dash at him, and slam the grenade into his chest.

The moment the grenade locked into his chest the Didact freed his arms and took a swing at John, knocking him back hard and dazing him. The Didact picked him up using his constraint filed, gripping his throat tightly and squeezing the breath out of him.

John fought to hold onto his consciousness for what was just a moment longer, but felt like ages as he waited for the grenade to detonate.

His whole world began to flash before his eyes. He knew he wouldn't be making it out of here. When that nuke went off he would be vaporized instantly, and he would leave his the UNSC, his team, Linda, everything he loved and fought to protect behind.

There was no turning back now.

Just as John was about to lose consciousness, the grenade detonated, sending the Didact tumbling off the edge of the light bridge and into the pit of swirling, orange energy bellow him.

John watched him fall, making sure he saw him disappear before letting out a pained groan and trying to stand to make his way to the nuke, but the pain was too great for him to bear. He stumbled and fell, and began to inch his way towards the nuke, using his arms to drag himself towards his goal.

He gathered the nuke in both hands, primed it, and readied himself to detonate it.

 _We have asked you to give up your family, your childhood, your future,_ echoed Doctor Halsey in his head, but he was about to give up so much more than that.

He closed his eyes and visualized Linda's smiling face one last time before slamming his fist into the bomb's detonator, and letting go of his whole world in one, white, flash.

* * *

John stood at perfect attention near a holographic briefing table at the UNSC HIGHCOM facility in Sydney. Having just suffered a brutal dissection of his every move for the past five years by the UNSC security council he just needed an escape, he needed time to think, time to forget.

Lord hood had other plans for him however. He had just briefed him on his new assignment and offered him a promotion he knew he would never take, and now he was now rambling on about some team he was supposed to advise, but if he was to be candid, which he never would be, he didn't care. No one had given him a straight answer yet about where his team was, and he could only assume the worst. Right now that hung over his mind like a dense fog.

He couldn't bear the thought of his team truly being gone. They had been his family for as long as he could remember, even he and Linda had always managed to fit right into the team's family dynamic, now that could all be gone, for good. If that was true then what had Cortana saved him for? Without his team, he was nothing, and she would have been better off Saving herself.

When the briefing had finished and lord hood lead him to a nearby hangar to meet his new team he began to wonder how he would adapt to working with others. He had never had another family, and any other simply wouldn't be the same.

When the door to the hangar opened however, and his eyes met the team in question, all of his fears washed away in an instant.

Three familiar Spartans in brand new armor stood by a waiting longsword fight, gathered in a group and talking amongst themselves. Fred, Kelly, Linda, his team was back. His family was back.

Fred was the first to notice his entrance.

"Would you look at that," He said with a smile, snapping a crisp salute which John returned.

Kelly spun on the balls of her heels as quickly as ever and faced him, her face lighting as her eyes met his faceplate.

"John!" She exclaimed, running over and swiping a Spartan smile across his faceplate, "I never thought we'd see you again."

Behind his faceplate John smiled down at his Spartan sister, before looking up to find Linda.

Her reaction was small, as was characteristic of her. She simply folded her arms and smiled at him.

"Oh my," she said in passing, "the conquering hero has returned."

John simply swiped a Spartan smile across his faceplate in return. God how he wanted to embrace her right now, to feel her against him and forget everything for a brief moment, but now was neither the time nor the place.

After a few jokes about him being their new "advisor" the Spartans pulled up some ammunition crates in a circle near the longsword. They couldn't stay long, but a few brief minutes to catch up was something they all desperately needed. Kelly and Fred both had long, and certainly embellished stories to tell about their time apart, but When it was Linda's turn to talk all she had to say was, "I missed you John."

John's face lit up behind his visor. To yell out I love you would have been inappropriate at such a time, but he almost did it anyway.

"I missed you too," he responded simply.

Out of the corner of his eye John saw Kelly roll her eyes and smile at the two of them.

Fred simply smiled and didn't say anything before standing and saluting once more.

"We need to get moving John. Are you ready to go?"

John looked to Linda, who winked at him and then nodded to Fred. The four of them turned and entered the longsword, with John sitting down across from Linda in the crew compartment. It was a fairly short ride to the frigate that was to carry the longsword to Gamma Halo, but every moment of it was agonizing for John. Linda, the woman he loved, sat mere inches away from him yet she may as well have been a star system away.

He wanted to kiss her, to feel her embrace, to let her wash the pain of the last five years from him with her tender touch and soft voice, but it would have to wait.

As soon as the longsword docked John made a break for the armor bay. It was only a short, twelve hour slipspace jump to Gamma Halo from here, and he didn't want to waste a single moment of it. Linda followed him, but made sure to keep her distance so as not to attract at any attention.

When the last piece of John's armor clattered to the deck he headed towards the officer's quarters. The Captain of the ship had personally made one available to each of the Spartans for the journey as a gesture of respect, but John had a feeling Linda's would go unused.

He waited for several more agonizing minutes, sitting on the bed and waiting to be reunited with his Spartan, until he heard the door slide open with a soft hiss, and Linda stepped through silently. John stood and silently looked at her as she slowly approached, unsure of how to proceed.

"Linda..." He said softly.

She didn't respond, and slowly approached him until her finger tips rested against his chest. She traced her fingers over him for several seconds before finally looking him in the eye.

"John, it's really you. You're alive," she said, her hand finally coming to rest on the side of his face.

He let his hands rest on her waist and rested his forehead against hers.

"My beautiful Spartan, why would I ever let something like death keep me from you?"

Normally Linda would have rolled her eyes at the corny line John had obviously rehearsed in his head, but instead she leaned in and kissed him, slowly relearning the feeling of kissing and being kissed.

When they broke Linda looked deeply into his eyes, and beneath the tenderness and love she so obviously saw was an immense amount of hurt, something she absolutely could not stand for him to feel. She kissed him passionately, and was surprised when she felt John spin her around and push her up against the wall.

He kissed her just as desperately as he had the day he told her he loved her, and Linda smiled at the memory, allowing him to deepen the kiss. He didn't apply to much pressure to her however, in fact he barely applied enough to keep someone who wasn't augmented in place. She wasn't sure if he was afraid of hurting her, or simply wanted to treat her gently, but either way she felt a little bit of pride at his protectiveness of her. He had fought so hard to protect so many things in his life, but not as hard as he had fought to find his way back to her.

He was hers, and no one else's. She would be the first and the last to see John in this state. When he broke off from kissing her he looked a little embarrassed at his lack of control, but she didn't allow him any time to dwell on that. She guided him to lay down on the nearby bunk, taking refuge in his warmth as she laid next to him.

Her look quickly switched from one of excitement and pride to something more serious. He had been through a lot, and pushing him back into this too quickly wouldn't be good for either of them.

"There's so much I want to tell you," he said carefully, noticing her look of concern.

John always kept his emotions hidden, fearful that they might weaken himself or others, but the crushing tenderness in Linda's eyes and the feeling of her warmth made him want to confess everything to her right then and there. She leaned in and gently kissed him, giving him a smile and a nod to indicate he could proceed. John held nothing back, telling her every horrible detail of the last five years, the Flood on high charity, drifting cold and alone on the forward unto dawn, Cortana's death, all of it.

When he finished with Cortana's line about finally being home, Linda squeezed his hand gently, offering a bit of encouragement and comfort. As much as he tried to hide it, she could tell that Cortana's death had hit him on a level she hadn't seen since her death.

"John, I'm so sorry..." She said tenderly.

He nodded his thanks, pulling her just a bit closer to him.

"The worst part of all of it was not knowing if I'd ever see you again. At times it was almost too much to bear."

He looked sadly over at her. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was reliving those very moments of angst over and over in his head right now, something she couldn't stand for him to have to do.

"Well, I knew you'd make it back to me John," she said, nuzzling her head into the crook of up his neck, and hoping to pry his mind away from the subject. He remained silent, staring blankly at the ceiling as he ran a hand through Linda's hair.

"John," she said worriedly, "are you going to be ok?"

"I'll be fine, I just have a lot on my mind," he said sadly.

She rolled out of his grasp and on top of him, smiling at him coyly.

"Well, I could take your mind off of it..." She said as she traced her fingers over his chest.

John smirked at the implications of her words.

"Is this part of your teaching me to be human?" He asked with a small laugh. She placed her hands on the back of his head and rested her forehead against his.

"Yeah, sure big guy," she said with a small laugh, "now come here. I'll teach you a thing or two."

John tried to say something back, but was cut off by a kiss he fell readily into.

He wondered for a moment why on earth it had taken him so long to say three simple words to Linda. How had he had the strength to fight without her to guide him.

As she began to pull up on his short he stopped her, and was met by a mildly annoyed expression from her.

"I love you," he said simply.

Linda laughed a deep, beautiful laugh and pressed her mouth close to his ear.

"I love you too," she whispered, sealing her words with a kiss.

John relaxed and closed his eyes. He knew this moment wouldn't last long, joyful reunions never did, but he didn't care. For at least the next couple of hours there wouldn't be any war to worry about, and now that his Spartan was safe in his arms, that was all that he cared about.

* * *

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thanks to Jaeger Gypsy Danger for that ending line from Linda :)**
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> **Well guys, it's been a helluva ride. Thanks y'all for reading, special thanks to my many and frequent reviewers who gave me the resolve to get this thing done. If you have any parting thoughts or criticism, I'd be glad to hear them.**
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> **This marks the end of my first popular fic, but hopefully this won't be the last you'll hear from me.**
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> **I'll see you starside Spartans,**
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> **Actual was here.**


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